The good kind
by popcan11
Summary: I made a choice before I came here tonight, a choice to stop running and I’m keeping it. I don’t want to pretend anymore Rory!” Literati. [One shot]


A/N: Okay kiddies, my first one shot! Woo-hoo! It's AU so enjoy Some background info. you should know is that in this story, Jess almost married a girl a year before this story takes place. I couldn't find a way to write that in so sorry about that. Oh yeah, my other story "What we left behind"'s next chapter will be posted shortly So, tell me if this sucks or not. I'm still not sure about it :/ Hope you enjoy it though! Read away and Review!

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Rory tugged on her sweatshirt as she stepped into the cool fall breeze. The trees blew with the wind as she made her way down the sidewalk. She kept her arms wrapped around her stomach, which was aching terribly. It was if she was a little girl again, getting butterflies in her stomach and they were not the good kind. She didn't even have a reason to be nervous. It was Jess after all, her best friend since she was 12. That was nearly 10 years ago now. She had met Jess under the gazebo a _million_ times. Yet, deep down inside of her she knew how different _this_ time truly was. 

A few blowing leaves settled themselves down on the gazebo steps. Rory walked around them and stepped inside. He was already there. Jess was leaning against the railing looking just as nervous as she was, if not more so. He was the first one to speak, "Hey," he mumbled softly

Rory gave him a comforting smile, "Hey,"

He walked closer to her and only stopped when there faces where inches apart. "Hey," he said again.

Rory closed her eyes tightly and let her eyes drift towards the floor, "Jess, I don't really have much time. Logan's waiting for me in the car back at my mom's house. We need to just say our goodbyes okay?"

"I can't do that." He shook his head firmly

Rory looked up at him, "You can and you will. I don't want to leave just as much as you don't want me to leave but…" She didn't finish. She didn't _want to_ finish.

"Rory, do what you want with your life but if you think I'm going to say goodbye to you than you're wrong."

She had promised herself before she left that she wouldn't cry. She had to stay strong or she would never be able to do this. She cursed herself when she felt a hot tear roll down her cheek, "Jess, just say goodbye to me."

"No."

She was getting frustrated now, "Why not?" She yelled

He stomped his foot creating a loud bang, "Because I can't Rory! Don't you get it? If I say goodbye to you, it's not just for the summer or for year, it's for the rest of my life. Because you're it, you're the only person I have and now you're leaving so you and Logan can run off and get married together. What does that leave me with? Nothing and nobody. I can't say goodbye to you because I can't let you leave Rory."

She wiped at her tears but it was useless since they kept falling anyways, "I wouldn't leave if I wasn't in love with him you know that right? I won't just leave you here if I don't think me and Logan are ganna last."

Jess laughed, "Ya know, it amazes me how day in and day out you can just feed yourself these lies and not once even think about what you're doing. Rory, you don't love him. Everyone can see that whether you notice it or not. The real reason you are running off to marry him is because you're afraid."

She sniffed and found herself whispering, "What do I have to be afraid of?"

"Being with me."

Rory didn't know what to say, she just stared into his eyes. This was something she had done many times before but never like this. For the first time, she saw everything she already knew deep down. He was in love with her. How could she have gone so long without_ really _realizing it? How could she brush off his lingering looks, the smile he only made when he was with her, and the way his face lit up when he talked about her. How come she never really put together all the pieces until now? "Oh my god." she managed to get out.

"You had to have known that was coming." he said soothingly. Jess sighed and ran his fingers through his thick hair.

"You think that's why I'm marrying Logan? Because I'm too afraid to admit my feelings for you? To afraid to be in love with my best friend? _That's _why you think I'm marrying him?"

He shook his head again, "I don't _think_ that Rory I _know_. You want this just as bad I as do. I've known it for 10 years now! We keep pretending like there's nothing there and we keep trying to run away from it but it's _always _still there. I made a choice before I came here tonight, a choice to stop running and I'm keeping it. I don't want to pretend anymore Rory!"

Rory put her hands over her ears like a little child, "No! No! No!" she screamed, "You don't know what you are taking about. I love him and I'm ganna marry him! I have never run away from my feelings for you because I have never had those feelings!"

Jess grabbed her wrist and squeezed it tightly, "Stop lying to yourself!"

"I'm not!" She screamed through her tears

"You really aren't in love with me?"

"No!"

Jess grabbed her other wrist and was now holding both of them, "Then you tell me how come every time I turn to look at you, you already looking straight at me." No answer. "And how come every time our hands accidentally brush when we are walking, your face turns bright red?" No answer. "And how come… how come when I thought I was getting married last year you cried yourself to sleep for three weeks?"

Rory gave him a small confused frown, "How did you know that?"

Jess shook his head, "Answer my question Rory, how come?"

"I don't know Jess! Okay? I don't know." She pulled away from his tight grip and turned so her back was facing him. She put her hand to her mouth as she cried. She looked back at him, "What do you want me to do Jess?"

"I want you to admit it." He was tired and sick. He was sick of fighting with her, sick of trying to make things right, he was just completely and entirely _sick._

Rory took a deep breath, "Jess…" her voice trailed off.

He sighed, "Fine you know what Rory? Why don't you just go?"

"I thought you said you weren't going to let me leave."

"You have to _want to_ stay before I can make you."

Rory bit her lip as another tear slid down her icy face, "He asked me to marry him."

He nodded, "Yeah, but you're the one who said yes." With that, he turned and walked away. Rory didn't even try to stop him. She just watched him. She stayed there in the middle of the gazebo for a while, even after Jess was long gone. Rory wasn't even crying anymore and she wasn't sure if she _could_ cry. All she could was stand and stare.

"Ace, what are you doing? I thought you said you would be back in a minute?"

Rory turned at the sound of his voice. She broke herself from her daze to answer him, "Yeah I know. It um… it took a little longer than I had planned for."

Logan nodded, "Well are you ready now?"

A simple question. _Are you ready now?_ Such a simple question that needs only a simple answer. Yet, Rory had to really think about it. _Was she ready now? Was she really going to leave everything she had ever known so she could be with Logan? Was this what she even really wanted in the first place? _Too many questions, not nearly enough answers. Rory shrugged, "To be honest, I don't know."

Logan looked confused, "What to you mean? Rory, you are either ready to leave or not. Which is it? And please say you are ready because we are going to be late!"

Rory sighed. She needed to make a decision and she needed to make one quick. Jess's words still lingered in her brain. _We keep pretending like there's nothing there and we keep trying to run away from it but it's always still there._ Rory closed her eyes. What if he was right? What if she really was just pretending?

"Ace," Logan's voice yanked her from her thoughts, "What will it be?"

Rory was running out of time now. She took a deep shaky breath and nodded, "I'm ready."

They reached his car and Logan got in the drivers side. Rory reached out for the car handle but didn't open it just yet. Instead, she took one last look around her and in the distance, she saw him. He was walking down the sidewalk staring at the ground and suddenly, he looked up and saw her. Jess stopped dead in his tracks and even from far away, their eyes met and they were both entangled in this breathtaking stare. Neither of them showed any emotion, they just held each others eyes. It was then she knew. It was then she knew what she wanted or more so what she needed.

Rory opened the car door and sat down in the seat. Logan smiled at her but she didn't smile back. Rory just took a deep breath and began, "Logan, I can't marry you."

His smile faded, "Excuse me?"

"I can't marry you."

"What are you talking about? Why not?"

Rory looked in the rear view mirror and saw Jess still standing there just staring at her. She turned back to Logan and actually had a smile on her own face, "Because I don't know want to keep pretending like _this_ is what I want when I could actually _have_ what I want."

"Rory, you are not making sense. Who do you want? What's going on?"

"I want him Logan. Somewhere inside of me I have known it all along and so have you. It's time for me to grow up and stop living a lie." With that, Rory stepped out of the car and shut the door. Jess was still watching her but now more intently. Rory bit down on her lip as she made her way towards him. Rory felt the butterflies filling her stomach again. Lucky for her, these butterflies _were_ the good kind.


End file.
